Jeepney Chronicles 22

Last time I was here was more than a year ago. As soon as I gather thoughts, a lot is mixing up. What to write? How to start? Where to start? Before I started scribbling here, I looked back and read my old posts and realize how of a mixed feeling it is every time. Just like in the actual state, a lot is happening all at once. I am thinking of another term to perfectly describe it, but one word just tops the list and as always…overwhelming. Indeed it is. Overwhelming to a point that I am forgetting Em. Me. This too much preoccupation to something that should just be an exciting journey forgets the me in me. It gives a guilt feeling for giving in too much thinking and you consciously battle against it because you know that it is the right thing to do and it is surely better this way but, on days like this, you become weak and let these not so good thoughts consume you.

Last year was totally challenging and it still is. Looking back, it felt unbelievable how I was able to survive all those crazy unimaginable challenges. Living abroad and building yourself at this age is definitely not easy. It takes a toll on you, mentally and emotionally. I am foregetting myself when things are being too much but, when I have a good and worthwhile conversation with family and friends then, I feel alive again. I feel Em again. I thank the Heavens for His grace, strength, the gift of intelligence, resilience and everything in between. I could have just given up, sulk and be eaten up by these challenges but hey! I am a Taurus, there´s a Bull inside me. That means, I just have to keep going and keep fighting. Challenges are also blessings in a different form, and it let´s you see a different perspective. As I continue to face the world with challenges, all mis-´s, I am reminded to always be humble and these things are nothing compared to how big of a blessing always come my way. As mama always tell me, “Let their tongue wag”..She is right of all sorts. I am just thankful for my family, my husband and my friends. Truly one of Heaven´s blessings.

This year will still be full of challenges but, I look forward to more blessings, more learning, more wisdom and more quality and valuable time. I pray that I can sing and teach more. If I can do both, that would be totally cool and I would really be thankful and grateful for it. I also pray for my loved ones. Thank you sweet Jesus!:)

One Decision

All it took was one decision for things to get better and to shift the perspective

It took one decision to get up and get going

One decision is enough to see the beauty around you

All it took was one decision to change where you are right now

It took one decision to step up and decide that you can do it

One decision is all we need for our lives to be better

All it took was one decision to stop being hard on yourself

It took one decision to live a healthy and happy life

I will still cry from time to time, but, I will go back to that one decision that changed everything

Cheers to a good, happy, content life always!

Floating

Woah! Last time I was here, was also last year of this month. My plan was to actually update every quarter of last year but, I wasn´t able to keep up. A lot has happened and still happening and I am on the continuous process of everything. All I know is that things are too much.. too overwhelming for my brain cells, most especially. Cliche as it may sound but I am really thankful, grateful and feeling really blessed for how things have unfolded, because I also worked hard for it and it deserves to be recognized but.. it just feels too much. The process of learning and unlearning with so many things is a journey I have to step on and deal with. Some days are feelings of giving up, other days, are feelings for fighting and keep going but one thing is certain, break is a must. The art of taking a rest is necessary. Just like in music, count and respect the rest. There is beauty in silence. But right now, rest gives a guilt feeling, that you are not allowed to have it. Bad. One unlearning proess that needs to be addressed and corrected. The worries that I have right now with my studies, really takes a toll on my health and I need to consciously battle against it. It is actually interesting to learn and discover so many things, not to mention that learning it in a foreign language is more challenging, but what stresses me the most, is always a proof that you have to perform well. That, you are never enough. That, you are floating, that, you are still dependent and no sense of security. For someone who already has her ways and identity, the process is quite challenging. The cultural differences in all aspects I am dealing with, is definitely not an overnight journey to accept but a never ending process. Psychological battle it is. I am just starting. I am still on the way. If I were in this situation 20 years younger, sure, things would have been different. But, right now, it is also different, in fact, on a different level, but I am here, coping and dealing with things in all ways possible.

I am very grateful for having a strong support system, but I miss them terribly, my family. Jonny is one exceptional husband and I am really very thankful for him, but my family, they are of course, incomparable. Thankful for technology but, I miss hugging them, I miss seeing and touching their faces. I miss seeing their smiles real time and seeing those fine lines between the eyes, how the cheeks raise a bit and the beautiful smiles they show. I miss holding hands with mama, one fine conversation turns into an argument. How healthy! haha! I miss chatting with papa, teasing me and seeing fine lines on his face when he smiles. I miss my super siblings, hitting each other when we laugh out loud. Not to mention my super nephew and lovely niece. I just miss all of them. I just miss real time communication with family and friends. I just miss random, spontaneous meet-ups.

This journey is not even half before I finish. It is far from over as I have just started. I hope I can finish it. Maybe, God has still His reasons why I am still in this beautiful yet challenging journey of learning. I still don´t know what is in store but my secret hope is that, I get to share my talent, impart the beautiful music with everyone I encounter and most of all, to have this tiny impact in their lives.

Thank you for reading and let´s continue to be kind and be a blessing to one another. Cheers!

1st Quarter

Hello everyone! Quiet time means having the chance to update my blog. Actually, it´s just literally quiet but my mind is sooo tensed and preoccupied with a lot of thoughts. Unhealthy and tiring, I know. I also need to remind myself not to be too hard on myself. Sorry, self.

On the eve of new year, everyone is most likely busy doing new years´ resolutions, what they wanted to do in the coming year. First, let´s try to have a look on how the year 2022 was. How was the last year? Was it tough? a good one? a success? challenging? I think, one word is not enough to describe the previous year. In my opinion, it was a combination of everything. And of course, it took me awhile to finish this one.. It´s actually not easy but I always keep on gathering my random thoughts. I would always end up shedding tears everytime I look back. These canned thoughts are so vulnerable that sometimes with just a simple situation, always ready to explode.

New Year. New Me. I find this line very inpiring and motivating. When someone says that he or she is still the same as before, in my opinion, that same you, is boring. Maybe it´s about time we change the stereotype that someone who changed is not good and would always mean negative. I think that change can also mean good and beautiful. It´s not bad at all. My view on the matter is broad, different and interesting. To me, it´s more of a beautiful process. It may be a little inconvenient but it is nurturing. So, I hope you change for the better. I hope you change by being stronger in keeping your values and what you stand for. I hope you change by loving more and appreciating more those who truly value and appreciate you. Change beautifully!

First two months have already unfolded. How was it? Do you like what is currently happening? Are you on the way to realizing that supposed dream or are you now fulfilling the promise you made to yourself?

How are the months going so far? Already tired or feeling more challenged, inspired and motivated on what´s in store? I would rather choose the second one as it gives more hope and brighter future. And as usual, it is not always a sunny day, in fact, there may be more cloudy, dark and challenging days but the fact that you remain hopeful and not giving up is already a big leap.

Right now, a lot of questions and of course, we cannot get answers right away as we are on a continuous journey. But let me remind you,to stay on track, to stay true to your being, be grateful for every blessing that comes our way. And while you are on your way to your goal, remember to stay humble.

Our roads may totally be bumpy and chaotic but amidst all these, stay resilient and always have a happy and hopeful heart. Cry if you must but remember to wipe those tears and just keep going. Pray. Work with passion and compassion and blessings will pour right before your eyes.

Enjoy everyday and God bless us always!

**Remember: If you need someone to talk with, I am here. Feel free to message me. You are not alone.**

Cheers! 🙂

Jeepney Chronicles 21

Hallo! It´s been so long a time since I last wrote here. The last time I posted a blog was exactly a year ago. Meine Güte! Anyway, here I am, drafting my random thoughts as usual. Thank you to this platform, that I get to maximize. Also, thank you to 1 or 2 people who read my blog. It is more than enough of an acknowledgement and attention. Soooo…how do I begin? I don´t know actually. All I know is that, I need to let some thoughts out.

The first half of the year was pretty hectic and really stressful. Most of all, always on the go. Even up to now, but I am thankful for every opportunity and struggle that comes with it.

After the ultimate challenge in the Language School and after almost two years…finally, a beautiful chance to have a vacation in the Philippines. Thank you sweet Jesus! I have no words but really, a huge thank you to my husband and to the Heavens for allowing this trip to materialize. Some people thought it would be a chaotic one (which is completely understandable) but with an open and hopeful heart, it all went really well. It really pays to simply follow the rules and just be obedient. Especially that we are still in the trying times. At times yeah, we may seem to forget because everything is sloooowly going back to business and our usual routines but we still have to be reminded that we are still in middle of a pandemic. It is really a great blessing that we have travelled smoothly. Hooray to meeting family and friends and appreciating the beauty of nature and everything in between.

We are actually back in Germany for almost a month already but, because we are back to business and to our regular shenanigans, I really did not have time to ponder, to actually sit quiet and be in my zone. Not to be misunderstood, but every active on the go days are the most precious times always. Sometimes, or most of the times, I doubt myself that because I am not doing the things I used to, might be taken away from me. There is this scary feeling that I might lose them. I might lose the abilities that I have built for myself over the years. In this foreign land, I really feel like a baby, but like in a fast paced manner that sometimes, I forget that that is the truth, I am still on my formative years, so to say. I am so used to doing a lot of things, most of the time preoccupied, always keeping myself productive so, when I slow down a bit, I guilt trip. I feel like I am not doing anything at all. I feel pressured. I break down. Hence, I know that it is definitely not good for my mental and emotional health. I am aware of that. Then, I remember, I have the best people around me. My greatest blessings… My husband, my family, my bestfriends, who are also equally struggling, but we have each other. Then, I feel better. A good cry and suddenly a crazy laugh are the best conversations of all time. Not to mention the random topics, really as random as possible and then we find ourselves, filling the conversation with wisdom and appreciating everything that we have, our endeavors, worries and really, just everything, are all soooo beautiful. We feel better together. Also, these people will help remind you the things that I accomplished, that tap on the shoulder and tell yourself “hey, I did a great job!” It was all hard work that you earned it. Those recognitions to self have to be celebrated. Be proud of it. It´s not about being boastful but it is about reminding yourself that you are working hard to achieving something, that you are not just not doing anything at all when in fact, you are actually doing a lot. . We need to be reminded of that. And actually, even if you slow down, does not mean or will not ,make you less of you who are. You also need that art of slowing down and the art of doing nothing.

Every experience is unique. One is not better than the other. Recognize your feelings, we are humans. We are bound to feel some emotions. It´s not always a happy and an easy day. Just like the weather, at times, it is beautiful and sunny, other times are gray and rainy, but all possess such beauty. May sound a cliche´, but it is really a matter of perspective. And above all, know that our sweet Jesus is with us in every step of the way. And remember that hard work pays really off. It is also important to remember, that amidst all the achievements through hard work, stay humble and continue to be a blessing to one another.

If you are also going through something, please know that you are not alone. Or if you simply just want to talk or chat with someone about anything, feel free to contact me. I am here to listen. I hope to make use of the platform to make a difference and influence ( with my wisdom and a good one) other people as well.

Thank you for reading! Cheers! 🙂

Cloudy

There are days when it is bright and sunny but some days are simply cloudy

There are feelings that seem calm and serene but deep inside some feelings are stormy and cloudy

There are days when the roads seem straight but some roads seem bumpy

There are days when you thought everything is okay but then again, things starts to crumble and be shaky

There are days when you thought you are ready but then, the reality is you are never ready

There are days when you are trying to battle everthing but some days, you just really can´t, simply can´t

There are days you thought you are powerful but the truth is that, you have no power at all

There are days when you think ahead but all you have is what´s in front of you

There are days when you feel confident that you can do it, but other days, you simply feel unsure of yourself

There are days when you feel like you did a great a job but other days feel like it was not good enough or worse, never enough

Life…gives us so many of these and that. It may be true that many things get out of hand but when God holds our hands, it is enough. Not to mention the blessing of being surrounded by the right people to support and love us in whatever days and feelings you are having, it is also more than enough to get by.

New Beginnings

The year that was, yeah, it was tough

The year that was, hell yeah, that was absolutely challenging

The year that was, yeah, we fought for our lives at all sorts

The year that was, yeah, everything was a question and yeah, no answers were found but it was our faith that made us still and resilient

The year that was, yeah, patience and faith were our strong virtues we held onto

The year that was, of course, taught us many life lessons

Hey! Look at where we are now..

This year that is…is what we have long waited for

This year that is..our time to further strengthen what we already have

This year that is…our time to appreciate even the tiniest thing around us

This year that is…the time to make that leap

This year that is…time for new hopes, new dreams, stronger faith

New beginnings…indeed this year that is.

Ber Months

It’s Christmas time once again. Woohoo! There are so many things to be thankful and grateful for. We are breathing. We are healthy. We are well. In short, we are alive! This, by far, is one of the most challenging events in the human race. Up to this time, people are constantly asked to stay at home. Who would’ve thought that this generation will experience this? Well, parents generation have been through a lot in their youth but this is still a milestone for the world. The human race is co-existing with another virus and we have to learn to live with it. Right now, wash hands, stay home, follow health protocols..these are probably the most effective ways to fight against the battle we are faced with. An unseen battle. However, things are inevitable and unstoppable as we need to keep fighting and surviving. We are always torn at doing something or when we are about to do something…to go out to survive–that is to go to work to earn a living or to stay at home to survive– to not contribute to the spread of the virus. Either way, to continue to live healthy is what we all aim for. It may be true that we cannot go back to our normal ways especially during the holidays. The most festive time of the year. We all look forward to this season. The busy-ness of everything will not be the way it once used to be. The big and crowded parties we used to attend to left and right is opted to a minimum or limited number. Everything is downsized and controlled. Imagine attending gatherings wearing the required protection. The joy and stress of shopping especially last minute ones will definitely change. Hey! We can still party. We can still have loud music. We can still sing with the family or few loved ones around but extra careful, of course. This is our reality now. We are left with many perspectives in dealing with this situation. In one way or the other, everyone was faced with a not-so-good feeling and that is perfectly normal. It is okay not to be okay and that is highly respected and acceptable. To recognize these emotions are also part on how we can cope with the situation. It is in this time that we need to stick to people who really matter in our lives. It is also a great time to reconnect and build better and nurturing relationships. To sulk so long a time into negativity will not help us rather, we can find or discover more of our ourselves. There are so many beautiful and worthwhile things that we can do. It is my hope that people still choose to see the beauty of what we are all going through. That you are not alone. That we are all a blessing and can be a blessing to one another. This is our reality now. And anyway, nothing can stop us from celebrating. Not even this virus can stop us from appreciating and looking forward to the season and all the days of our lives. It still is and will always be a time of joy, love and peace. What makes this year very special is that this season is and will totally be one for the books. God bless us always! Stay happy and motivated always. Cheers to good life! 🙂

One Day

Soon

these will be just a memory —

the pain of waiting,

the lack of sleep,

the face you have so intimately known

through endless video calls,

the barriers —

         of language

        of network lag

        and phone battery life.

Soon

that day in May when the sound of an airplane flying by made you wish

it carried him on his way to you

—

would just be a memory you will remember

with little pinch in your heart.

Soon

those two clocks

that never told the same time

but always danced to the same rhythm

would one day be just a story.

The next plane ticket will be one way.

Soon.

–syramorphosis

 

Such a beautiful birthday gift from a very good friend. Credits to Syra for letting me post this on my blog. Thank you!

 

05052020

ECQ or Extended Community Quarantine

— a situation no one expected it to happen because of the pandemic that made the world alarmed and shaken. The world was not prepared for this crisis.

— a situation that suddenly made the plans put on a setback. Goals and endeavors that were bound to be achieved sooner than later became just part of the list. The to-do list remains as it is and remains unchecked for the time being. In fact, even up to a point of uncertainty.

— a situation that led us to fear more of the unseen, a living ghost that is. But even if that is the case, everyone is fighting for our lives.

— a situation that brought man in its best and worst state. It became a time of many discoveries and such a beauty what man is capable of doing. It is a deep hope that lessons are best learned.

— a situation that made us realize that after all, family is all that matters. Include a few loved ones and you more than completely whole and loved.

— a situation that opened our eyes that material possessions are merely of little or sometimes, of no value.

— a situation that slowly unfolds us to appreciating the little things that life gives us. That in fact, it’s really the tiny things that makes up most of our beings.

— a situation that taught us that time is of the essence and it should be deeply valued. That, simply waking up in the morning and simply breathing is a gift we should be thankful for.

— a situation that despite its uncertainties, we cling to our great God. It strengthened us. Through faith and prayers, nothing is impossible and that,  we will combat this historical event.

Stay happy and healthy. God bless us always. Cheers to a more positive perspective and beautiful life always!