It’s a Tuesday. Stuck in traffic. You know what it is. It shouldn’t be on my mind but as usual, it crossed my crazy mind.
Last Sunday, you were surprised to see the guy you were attracted with last year. He looked better with a clean cut. To your eyes, he still is good looking. You were simply happy to see him again. He was friendly enough to flash that nice smile. You got giddy and excited to tell the sister. ( Atleast, there’s something you both could start a crazy conversation.) Funny when you told the sister that you saw your crush again, her initial reaction was….”bading un?” You were in awe with her response and you both ended up laughing really hard. Of course, you told her no. Or hope not..as always. But…he is young. As you know, it’s not the first time it has happened to you. Probably why she had that reaction. Still, the laughter continues.
Thinking about it made you wonder and realize a lot of things all at the same time. But…seriously, you don’t know what to think. Really. Funny and strange that you become mostly connected with either gay(that you strongly hoped and supposed not. Nothing against them in fact, you hold a strong connection with them, that’s why.) or a young lad. It’s quite really strange to figure out the situation. But, they’re who you get attracted with. Ba’t nga ba?*shrug shoulders*
Here’s another one. This has been constant regardless stuck or not. It still holds a special spot in your brain cells. Tried to get away but stuck with the thought. Another strange thing was that, the person you seriously like for the longest time, suddenly sent you a message. *happy dance!* You hadn’t talked with him for quite a long time because of the decision you had for yourself. (Remember, the need to get away with whatever feelings you have.) But, you lost. Again. He reached out. Out of the blue. Surprised. Happy. Made you crazy again. How can one very simple ‘how are you?’ change emotions in an instant? Unfair. It’s so difficult to fight against it. You were happy. You slept happy. If only you could scream, you did. May tama pa rin. Baliw talaga. But like the same old thought, it was just YOU. So, the conversation went on. You always find yourself smiling reading and replying. Nakakainis. Then there’s this one question that got you really thinking. Why ask that all of a sudden? Did he feel you becoming distant or anything? Did you say something that might have offended him? Cannot remember any. Anyway, the supposed answer to his question should be the chance for you to say your piece but as usual, you lost courage. Again. During all these, you went back to asking the same questions you had before to yourself. Surprisingly, the answers were still the same. Hadn’t changed a bit. You were just covering up. Anyway, you were happy that you are finally talking again. You missed him, really. If only you could hug him tight and smile at him,you would. But, you can’t. Sad talaga noh? Pero, happy na rin. Sad lang talaga that you can’t be together. (It was and is a fervent hope,but….baka hindi talaga.) You just have to be content with what you both have and where you are now. Maybe, it’s the best that you got. Ayan, big girl na talaga. But here’s you wanted to tell that person if he happens to read this..a huge thank you for taking the initiative to reach out. You have no idea how happy the person was. Iba ka. Ang lakas ng impact mo. 🙂 Thank you. You are definitely one source of almost all the emotions. You have no idea that with your simple gestures, you can make someone really happy and sad at the same time. It is still a deep hope you can continue on being like this forever but for now, to continue enjoying sharing thoughts with you is more than enough. Thank you very much.
Cheers! Have a great day ahead! 🙂