Jeepney Chronicles 3

It’s a Tuesday. Stuck in traffic. You know what it is. It shouldn’t be on my mind but as usual, it crossed my crazy mind.

Last Sunday, you were surprised to see the guy you were attracted with  last year. He looked better with a clean cut. To your eyes, he still is good looking. You were simply happy to see him again. He was friendly enough to flash that nice smile. You got giddy and excited to tell the sister. ( Atleast, there’s something you both could start a crazy conversation.) Funny when you told the sister that you saw your crush again, her initial reaction was….”bading un?” You were  in awe with her response and you both ended up laughing really hard. Of course, you told her no. Or hope not..as always. But…he is young. As you know, it’s not the first time it has happened to you. Probably why she had that reaction. Still, the laughter continues. 

Thinking about it made you wonder and realize a lot of things all at the same time. But…seriously, you don’t know what to think. Really. Funny and strange that you become  mostly connected with either gay(that you strongly hoped and supposed not. Nothing against them in fact, you hold a strong connection with them, that’s why.) or a young lad. It’s quite  really strange to figure out the situation. But, they’re who you get attracted with. Ba’t nga ba?*shrug shoulders*

Here’s another one. This has been constant regardless stuck or not. It still holds a special spot in your brain cells. Tried to get away but stuck with the thought. Another strange thing was that, the person you seriously like for the longest time, suddenly sent you a message. *happy dance!* You hadn’t talked with him for quite a long time because of the decision you had for yourself. (Remember, the need to get away with whatever feelings you have.) But, you lost. Again. He reached out. Out of the blue. Surprised. Happy. Made you crazy again. How can one very simple ‘how are you?’ change emotions in an instant? Unfair. It’s so difficult to fight against it. You were happy. You slept happy. If only you could scream, you did. May tama pa rin. Baliw  talaga. But like the same old thought, it was just YOU. So, the conversation went on. You always find yourself smiling reading and replying. Nakakainis. Then there’s this one question that got you really thinking. Why ask that all of a sudden? Did he feel you becoming distant or anything? Did you say something that might have offended him? Cannot remember any. Anyway, the supposed answer to his question should be the chance for you to say your piece but as usual, you lost courage. Again. During all these, you went back to asking the same questions you had before to yourself. Surprisingly, the answers were still the same. Hadn’t changed a bit. You were just covering up. Anyway, you were happy that you are finally talking again. You missed him, really. If only you could hug him tight and smile at him,you would. But, you can’t.  Sad talaga noh? Pero, happy na rin. Sad lang talaga that you can’t be together. (It was and is a fervent hope,but….baka hindi talaga.) You just have to be content with what you both have and where you are now. Maybe, it’s the best that you got. Ayan, big girl na talaga. But here’s you wanted to tell that person if he happens to read this..a huge thank you for taking the initiative to reach out. You have no idea how happy the person was. Iba ka. Ang lakas ng impact mo. 🙂 Thank you. You are definitely one source of almost all the emotions. You have no idea that with your simple gestures, you can make someone really happy and sad at the same time. It is still a deep hope you can continue on being like this forever but for now, to continue enjoying sharing thoughts with you is more than enough. Thank you very much.

Cheers! Have a great day ahead! 🙂

Different Worlds

I am currently in the middle of an event waiting for it start. It’s like I am stuck in traffic so, you know what happens next. You know what it is. My mind starts to wander… Not that I am out of focus with work, (I’m actually always focused in fact, I’m prepared na. :)) so, I got this spare time for random thoughts. As usual. I am not really sure if I am ready to talk about it. But, the other side of me wants to say so. I just wanted to take advantage of this blog. 🙂 Maybe, this is also the perfect avenue and time to talk about it. After this, I need to close this chapter of me and probably begin anew . Most definitely, a yes to that! Please bear and pardon this crazy soul. Am I really ready to start? Sige na nga. *deep sigh* Ready…Start! Few years back, there’s this person I met from somewhere. We met a couple of times. We had the chance to get to know each other. We shared stories. We got to know each other more. Little did I know, I was developing emotions. There were many factors to consider, I thought to myself. I was trying to figure out. Maybe, just maybe, that for the longest time, it felt like the first time to see and appreciate a really nice looking person again. I was not really deprived but I guess, there was a time that I already or almost forgot to appreciate a good looking and interesting guy. They just all looked the same to me. But the moment I saw that being, I was struck. I was awaken. Anyway, we became friends. It felt good. It was  a happy thing  but that emotion of me has to be off guard. Plus, I know the real score. I was in denial that I liked him. But, everytime we separate ways, it would feel different. I wanted us to stay longer together. Talk more. Drink more. Walk more. Tell stories more. Laugh more. That was just me…who was feeling different towards him. Over time, I tried myself not to recognize that emotion because of course, I needed to protect this pride. That’s what a person must do best after being hurt a million times. But, I lost. The feelings grew. I was hopeful na sana…sana… Still, it was hopeless. I wanted to seriously tell and walk away but I had no courage. Scare always eats me up. I cannot. I asked myself, why? Why not? I know the answer. I was afraid. I was afraid of rejection. Afraid that the emotion will not be reciprocated. That’s the sad truth I must face. I had to get away with the emotion I have towards him because it just couldn’t be. I am an optimistic person but matters about myself makes me reeeaally very pessimistic.

 

——This was a month before. I’d like to think and believe that now it’s getting better. I am getting better. I just hope I don’t see him, baka mabaliw ulit ako. Okay, I’m lying. I seriously want to see him na. I just miss him so much. No more emotions involved but a happy friend very happy to see him. I hope.

 

 

Thank you for reading. Cheers to good life!

Jeepney Chronicles 2

                     It’s Thursday and traffic once again. Walking from one point to another transfer is slowly becoming a habit. Well, what’s new. But, it’s ok. This time, your thoughts are occupied about your future and what actually lies ahead. Questions, answers, more questions, options  and everything else in between. Continuous assessments of the things going on. Wandering thoughts again. You are actually blessed for what you have right now but humans as we are, you would always want something better for your life. More so, for your family. Flying somewhere is always one of the best options you think of doing. Wish it would be that easy for you to leave. However, tons of considerations need to be seriously considered which makes it harder to move. Why? Why can people not just leave whenever they want to? Or whenever they feel like it? Why?