Woah! Last time I was here, was also last year of this month. My plan was to actually update every quarter of last year but, I wasn´t able to keep up. A lot has happened and still happening and I am on the continuous process of everything. All I know is that things are too much.. too overwhelming for my brain cells, most especially. Cliche as it may sound but I am really thankful, grateful and feeling really blessed for how things have unfolded, because I also worked hard for it and it deserves to be recognized but.. it just feels too much. The process of learning and unlearning with so many things is a journey I have to step on and deal with. Some days are feelings of giving up, other days, are feelings for fighting and keep going but one thins is certain, break is a must. The art of taking a rest is necessary. Just like in music, count and respect the rest. There is beauty in silence. But right now, rest gives a guilt feeling, that you are not allowed to have it. Bad. One unlearning proess that needs to be addressed and corrected. The worries that I have right now with my studies, really takes a toll on my health and I need to consciously battle against it. It is actually interesting to learn and discover so many things, not to mention that learning it in a foreign language is more challenging, but what stresses me the most, is always a proof that you have to perform well. That, you are never enough. That, you are floating, that, you are still dependent and no sense of security. For someone who already has her ways and identity, the process is quite challenging. The cultural differences in all aspects I am dealing with, is definitely not an overnight journey to accept but a never ending process. Psychological battle it is. I am just starting. I am still on the way. If I were in this situation 20 years younger, sure, things would have been different. But, right now, it is also different, in fact, on a different level, but I am here, coping and dealing with things in all ways possible.
I am very grateful for having a strong support system, but I miss them terribly, my family. Jonny is one exceptional husband and I am really very thankful for him, but my family, they are of course, incomparable. Thankful for technology but, I miss hugging them, I miss seeing and touching their faces. I miss seeing their smiles real time and seeing those fine lines between the eyes, how the cheeks raise a bit and the beautiful smiles they show. I miss holding hands with mama, one fine conversation turns into an argument. How healthy! haha! I miss chatting with papa, teasing me and seeing fine lines on his face when he smiles. I miss my super siblings, hitting each other when we laugh out loud. Not to mention my super nephew and lovely niece. I just miss all of them. I just miss real time communication with family and friends. I just miss random, spontaneous meet-ups.
This journey is not even half before I finish. It is far from over as I have just started. I hope I can finish it. Maybe, God has still His reasons why I am still in this beautiful yet challenging journey of learning. I still don´t know what is in store but my secret hope is that, I get to share my talent, impart the beautiful music with everyone I encounter and most of all, to have this tiny impact in their lives.
Thank you for reading and let´s continue to be kind and be a blessing to one another. Cheers!
In my zone 