I am currently in the middle of an event waiting for it start. It’s like I am stuck in traffic so, you know what happens next. You know what it is. My mind starts to wander… Not that I am out of focus with work, (I’m actually always focused in fact, I’m prepared na. :)) so, I got this spare time for random thoughts. As usual. I am not really sure if I am ready to talk about it. But, the other side of me wants to say so. I just wanted to take advantage of this blog. 🙂 Maybe, this is also the perfect avenue and time to talk about it. After this, I need to close this chapter of me and probably begin anew . Most definitely, a yes to that! Please bear and pardon this crazy soul. Am I really ready to start? Sige na nga. *deep sigh* Ready…Start! Few years back, there’s this person I met from somewhere. We met a couple of times. We had the chance to get to know each other. We shared stories. We got to know each other more. Little did I know, I was developing emotions. There were many factors to consider, I thought to myself. I was trying to figure out. Maybe, just maybe, that for the longest time, it felt like the first time to see and appreciate a really nice looking person again. I was not really deprived but I guess, there was a time that I already or almost forgot to appreciate a good looking and interesting guy. They just all looked the same to me. But the moment I saw that being, I was struck. I was awaken. Anyway, we became friends. It felt good. It was a happy thing but that emotion of me has to be off guard. Plus, I know the real score. I was in denial that I liked him. But, everytime we separate ways, it would feel different. I wanted us to stay longer together. Talk more. Drink more. Walk more. Tell stories more. Laugh more. That was just me…who was feeling different towards him. Over time, I tried myself not to recognize that emotion because of course, I needed to protect this pride. That’s what a person must do best after being hurt a million times. But, I lost. The feelings grew. I was hopeful na sana…sana… Still, it was hopeless. I wanted to seriously tell and walk away but I had no courage. Scare always eats me up. I cannot. I asked myself, why? Why not? I know the answer. I was afraid. I was afraid of rejection. Afraid that the emotion will not be reciprocated. That’s the sad truth I must face. I had to get away with the emotion I have towards him because it just couldn’t be. I am an optimistic person but matters about myself makes me reeeaally very pessimistic.
——This was a month before. I’d like to think and believe that now it’s getting better. I am getting better. I just hope I don’t see him, baka mabaliw ulit ako. Okay, I’m lying. I seriously want to see him na. I just miss him so much. No more emotions involved but a happy friend very happy to see him. I hope.
Thank you for reading. Cheers to good life!